And the beat goes on...

So, I'm back from Blue Lake, temporarily. It might have possibly been the smoothest orientation transition I've ever had! Because of my absences, my boss Jenn has been forced to be on top of her to do list... which made my to do list pretty easy and straightforward. Everyone has been super pleasant and it has been a pretty enjoyable, laid back weekend. And yet... I kind of want to sit in a little corner and cry.

Why? Well... I mailed my letter Thursday.

And no, I haven't been rejected, yet. I couldn't stand sitting and waiting to mail it any longer, so late Thursday afternoon, I just decided to bite the bullet and mail the damn thing. So, then Friday, on my drive to camp, I decided to call D as a kind of heads up. Only, since he is a teacher, I expected him to be at school, not answering his phone. Ha! Of course when you want someone to let their phone go to voicemail, they just have to pick it up! He was very pleasant on the phone and asked me what was up, and I couldn't muster enough courage to make any kind of hint as to what I was sending. The conversation went a little something like this:

D: Hey, what's going on?
Me: Oh... hey! Hey... um, hi."
D: Did you just call to say hi? You know I'm at school right now..."
Me: Um, yeah, uh I know! Actually I thought you'd let your phone go to voicemail... um yeah. But anyhow, long story short, I sent you something in the mail.
D: Oh, sweet... wait, is it perishable?
Me: Um... no, definitely not perishable.
D: Oh good, because I'm going out of town today, and won't be back til Monday.
Me: Oh... oh... oh that's okay. I mean, I sent it yesterday afternoon, so it will probably come Saturday or whatnot. I just wanted you to know I sent something, and that you should be on the lookout for it.
D: Okay that sounds good.
Me: Um yeah. Okay, well I'll let you get back to work! Okay, um bye.

So, I'm a huge coward. And then, to further my cowardliness, I sent him a text message that night that said something to the effect of, "Hey, when you get what I mailed you, if you want to talk about it, you can call me after 9, but I'll be home from Monday through Wednesday afternoon, so I probably won't be easily reached."

In other words, I was trying to prompt him to call me, but yet, I don't want to discuss this while I'm home, so I pretty much was asking him to wait until Wednesday or Thursday.

So... yeah. I know he's home now (his facebook status says as much), and now I'm just twiddling my thumbs. Did he read my letter yet? What does he think? Is he angry? Flattered? Thinks I'm delusional and stalkerish? Will he actually call me... or what?

Stupid, stupid, stupid idea to mail it already, and even more stupid idea to purposely tell him to wait until Wednesday to get in touch with me, and even stupider of me for writing the thing to begin with.

I know I'm making it a point this year to be more vocal about my thoughts... but I'm kind of wishing for once, I just kept my mouth shut. If there is such thing as "mailer's remorse," I certainly have it.

Sorry to be so melodramatic!