Stress Marathon

Ack. Sorry guys, I wish I had more to blog about, but this week has been so frustrating!! It is partly my own fault, but still... I'm stressed out.

Let's see, it seems like no matter how much I read I have problems keeping up with my Biochemistry reading. I really feel like I am doing excellent with the concepts... I always seem to have an answer the professor is looking for, and I am proud that without even thinking about it I can blurt out facts that I have remembered from being a Bio major... looks like I actually did earn that degree. The professor now instantly looks up when I mumble something and then makes me say it loudly... which I hate doing in class. Thankfully every time he's done this, I can in fact come up with the answers he's looking for, such as "Citric Acid Cycle!" and "a net gain of two pyruvate" and "lactic acid." I do not know why my brain has continued to hold on to these bits of knowledge, but in any regards I'm glad my professor does not think I'm an idiot.

It's the calculations part of the chemistry that gets me, and gets me every time. As much as I hate having partners of an exam, the one place I do need them is when it comes to figuring out calculations. I don't know what it is, but as soon as I see things like pH, Vmax, Km, pKa, my brain freaks out and short circuits. These calculations and reasonings just boggle my brain. It literally gives me an instant headache. I don't exactly understand my issues with it either, because Physics is filled with many useless calculations and I do just fine with those. Yes, I can figure out how far that car will fall when driving at 40 m/s off that cliff ignoring the effects of air resistance... but damn if I can find the pH when a strong acid is added to a weak base.

See, this is all random and pointless, but it's what my brain is stressing over.

Grad school is the number two stress. I know there are rolling admissions, I know deadlines are fast approaching, but damn if I will finish all of my applications. I have at this point, only one completed application that is safely in the hands of an admission committee at Eastern Virginia Medical School. I can't figure out my lack of interest, either. Is it fear of rejection, laziness, fear of change, or simply fear of going in to the wrong field? Whatever it is, I wish my brain would get over it. Sadly, the death of my grandfather did nothing but take away the little bit of motivation I had left. I'm putting one foot in front of me, but my brain is in a really funky place right now.

My third stress is everything that revolves around Blue Lake. The written materials for becoming a first responder, double boo! It's all pretty simple and straightforward, but it is just another thing that I have to read. I still have another chapter I have to read through before my phone conference with Jenn on Tuesday night. It's not as though I can just stop there, either. I've got to read the whole damn book before the middle of April when I get certified, which equals 19 chapters of boring-ness. I know Jenn would love to hear that her assistant is oh so thrilled over learning this stuff. I am taking this seriously but it's just poor timing. I have so much to focus on right now, that this is like a speed bump in the middle of my road. As soon as the first responder stuff is done, it's time for me to do more reading. Yes, learning the dictionary sized Camp Health Procedures handbook from front to back, so I don't come across as a complete idiot to the Unit Directors during May weekend, and I actually look like I can do my job come June to my staff. The worst part about this all is that I am stressed about the stuff I have to do, but not the actual job itself. I'm not saying I want to be stressed out, but I seem to not have any thought at all about the fact that I'm entering a new job. Right now my attitude is kind of like "eh...yeah, that's cool, whatever." What is wrong with me? I should at least be giving this some mulling over. So either I am completely confident (over confident?) in my abilities, or I am so focused on everything else that is overwhelming me that I don't have time to consider something else to worry about.

Then, the whole co-worker saga. The one who basically got let go... now she's wanting to apply to work in the health lodge. Which means, on my staff. Directly under me. I would have to be dealing with her constantly. Ahhh!!!! Why me? I don't exactly know what to do... she hasn't been hired yet, hell she hasn't even had an interview yet. So what do I do? I don't want my boss to think I'm interfering in the hiring process... because that isn't my intention. However, the thought of working with Miss Know It All is enough to give me a migraine right here and now. Miss Know It All wants me to put in a good word for her, too! Ha. Well that's one thing I am staying out of. I will not be the person rooting for her, and I refuse to make myself feel guilty if she didn't get hired. I'm staying out of it. I figure if she gets hired (which is something I can't control) then I will discuss with Jenn then my issues and concerns about working with her. IF she doesn't get hired, well, I don't need to worry about it.

So yeah, exam due on Monday, re-learning German for Beethoven's 9th, tons and tons of non recreational reading, Blue Lake drama following me around like a dark cloud... anything else? Seriously... I feel like I am running a stress marathon.

Okay, well I guess I had more to blog about than I thought I did. Funny how that happens. Now I must get back to working on an exam that I should have been working on hours ago (I instead decided that facebook and myspace would be better ways to spend my time)... I have to meet a study partner at 4pm.

Basically, I can't wait until Wednesday, which is also known as the day when some of my stress will be relieved.