The good news, PMS is gone, bad news, I woke up last night with the worst cramps! I was up for an hour or so, drifting in and out of sleep, waiting for the Advil I took to kick in. Basically I woke up every time it felt like someone had kicked me in my abdomen. The other good news is that while I normally don't have major cramps, even if I do have bad cramps like those experienced last night, there will only be one episode. So the cramps of this month are officially over. :)
I'm sorry if that was TMI, but honestly, everyone who reads my blog is a girl. So get over yourself!
******
Okay. I had a Blue Lake dream last night. That always starts to happen this time of year. The time of year when I'm getting ready to go in to the final leg of school and work, and I naturally start thinking of the next thing on the horizion. The next thing on the horizon, is camp. After camp, I have no idea. One would hope grad school, but I have been so fickle and indecisive, I'm not even sure if I want to get in to grad school at this point. I'm not sure where my brain is...or for that matter, where my heart is. I keep thinking that if I only had it to do over again, at 18 being a freshman in college I would have declared my major to be music ed. I'm not sure if that's what I really truly want, or if it is simply the grass is greener syndrome. Blah! For that matter, I'm confused on a school I originally wanted to apply to. I was planning on applying to four schools, but one school I liked wants me to take the GRE instead of my MCAT scores. Is it worth it? Is it worth my time studying for another test, paying money to take said test, paying money to put an application in, and then possibly not get in to said school? By that time I'll have wasted probably around $200, countless study time, and have scores from a test I really didn't need to take to begin with. I guess the GRE would be good to have since obviously I am fickle and could just as easily apply for an unrelated grad program... but still. The decisions! Either way, I must decide soon as I would be taking the GRE in May.
Okay so on to the dreams. I had a dream that I was put in a unit (a unit equals 6 cabins with 12 girls each and their counselor, plus one or two unit counselors, and one unit director. Which really equals about 80 people sharing 6 toilets and 6 showers. LOL lovely.) but it was no ordinary unit. This unit had 3 male counselors, which meant that three cabins were going to be filled with teenage boys! Three of the other cabins were going to be just regular girl cabins...only their counselors were staff that I had from previous summers. I kept saying (of course no one listened to me, isn't that always the way it goes in dreams) that this wasn't right, and that not only wasn't I supposed to have boys, but I wasn't supposed to have staff from previous summers. I remember I went in to UD mode, immediately trying to figure out how in the world I was going to keep the boys from spying on the girls in the showers, etc. Random!!
******
I really know the reasons behind the dream though. Well, I think I know the reasons. First off, one of my concerns about taking on my new job as the Assistant Health Director was that I would have male health staff members to work with. Yes of course I have worked with guys in the past, but I've never managed guys before... and I guess I have some anxieties about how they'll take my leadership as a female. Secondly, I started the scheduled reading of my Emergency Response materials yesterday... which of course put my job in the front of my mind. Third, ah the drama! I swear it follows you like a dark cloud. In 2005, I had a counselor, who I will not name, but she was nice enough. Annoying at times, and a bit of a know it all, but nothing out of hand. She ended up becoming a unit director in 2006, even though I never wrote her a recommendation... but that is beyond the point. Anyhow she became a UD, and apparently it all went to her head, because last summer she was on one hell of an ego trip. She basically became a royal bitch. She considered me a friend but would call me out in orientation meetings, telling all the other UDs, our bosses, etc, about how "last summer Tamara did this, and it clearly wasn't the right way to handle the situation. I would have done this instead." Yeah, see I have a reputation of doing my job not just good, but great. Most of my former staff members, from what I know, have enjoyed working with me. So for her to call me out like that, wow! Luckily for me, everyone took my side on it, and basically just thought she was being a snot.
This goes farther than me... before UD orientation had finished, before the counselors had even arrived, all of the other UDs were all pissed at her for some reason or another. Yeah, and instead of taking a hint that everyone was irritated with her, she seemed to think that everyone loved her and she was the best thing ever. it got to the point during the middle of the summer, that in UD meetings she would have the nerve to interrupt the camp director and basically tell her that she (the camp director) was wrong, and that she (said UD) was right. Basically everyone wanted to slap her by the end of the summer.
The clincher is that said UD actually did good work, overall. Somehow, her staff liked her well enough, and she got on okay with her campers. But does that make you a good leader, if you can do your job, but 90% of your coworkers hate you? If you are such an obnoxious know it all that you can not possibly take advice from anyone with more experience than you, and you think you are the next Einstein?
Said UD, thought she had a fantastic summer. She left basically telling me how much the camp director loved her, etc. Recently she was putting things on my facebook, myspace, etc, telling me how much she was looking forward to this summer, etc. She was also the person I had suspected of being jealous of my promotion, etc. Anyhow, cutting to the chase, said UD got an email from the camp director recently. Basically in so many words, she's not being rehired for next summer. Now the UD has been upset, venting to me about it, trying to ask me why would such a thing happen to her? What can I say? Nothing I say will get her job back...and if I lie to her, I'm just making her worse, but if I am honest with her I'm not sure I'll be of any help and she'll probably just get pissed at me.
The worst part is, I only feel half sorry for her. I feel bad she was taken by surprise by all of this, but I am not sad for her exactly. When I think about all the times she was simply a bitch to me, and all times I tried to give her help only for her to basically spit on it... well how can I feel bad for somebody like that, overall? I hate to say it, but I think this was a lesson she could only learn the hard way.
If she learns it at all. You know that's the thing about know it alls. They rarely can see the forest for the trees. They're so busy pointing out other people's faults that they couldn't see their own faults if they were dancing in front of them in a day glo tutu.
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Friday, March 2, 2007
Dreams and Reality
The good news, PMS is gone, bad news, I woke up last night with the worst cramps! I was up for an hour or so, drifting in and out of sleep, waiting for the Advil I took to kick in. Basically I woke up every time it felt like someone had kicked me in my abdomen. The other good news is that while I normally don't have major cramps, even if I do have bad cramps like those experienced last night, there will only be one episode. So the cramps of this month are officially over. :)
I'm sorry if that was TMI, but honestly, everyone who reads my blog is a girl. So get over yourself!
******
Okay. I had a Blue Lake dream last night. That always starts to happen this time of year. The time of year when I'm getting ready to go in to the final leg of school and work, and I naturally start thinking of the next thing on the horizion. The next thing on the horizon, is camp. After camp, I have no idea. One would hope grad school, but I have been so fickle and indecisive, I'm not even sure if I want to get in to grad school at this point. I'm not sure where my brain is...or for that matter, where my heart is. I keep thinking that if I only had it to do over again, at 18 being a freshman in college I would have declared my major to be music ed. I'm not sure if that's what I really truly want, or if it is simply the grass is greener syndrome. Blah! For that matter, I'm confused on a school I originally wanted to apply to. I was planning on applying to four schools, but one school I liked wants me to take the GRE instead of my MCAT scores. Is it worth it? Is it worth my time studying for another test, paying money to take said test, paying money to put an application in, and then possibly not get in to said school? By that time I'll have wasted probably around $200, countless study time, and have scores from a test I really didn't need to take to begin with. I guess the GRE would be good to have since obviously I am fickle and could just as easily apply for an unrelated grad program... but still. The decisions! Either way, I must decide soon as I would be taking the GRE in May.
Okay so on to the dreams. I had a dream that I was put in a unit (a unit equals 6 cabins with 12 girls each and their counselor, plus one or two unit counselors, and one unit director. Which really equals about 80 people sharing 6 toilets and 6 showers. LOL lovely.) but it was no ordinary unit. This unit had 3 male counselors, which meant that three cabins were going to be filled with teenage boys! Three of the other cabins were going to be just regular girl cabins...only their counselors were staff that I had from previous summers. I kept saying (of course no one listened to me, isn't that always the way it goes in dreams) that this wasn't right, and that not only wasn't I supposed to have boys, but I wasn't supposed to have staff from previous summers. I remember I went in to UD mode, immediately trying to figure out how in the world I was going to keep the boys from spying on the girls in the showers, etc. Random!!
******
I really know the reasons behind the dream though. Well, I think I know the reasons. First off, one of my concerns about taking on my new job as the Assistant Health Director was that I would have male health staff members to work with. Yes of course I have worked with guys in the past, but I've never managed guys before... and I guess I have some anxieties about how they'll take my leadership as a female. Secondly, I started the scheduled reading of my Emergency Response materials yesterday... which of course put my job in the front of my mind. Third, ah the drama! I swear it follows you like a dark cloud. In 2005, I had a counselor, who I will not name, but she was nice enough. Annoying at times, and a bit of a know it all, but nothing out of hand. She ended up becoming a unit director in 2006, even though I never wrote her a recommendation... but that is beyond the point. Anyhow she became a UD, and apparently it all went to her head, because last summer she was on one hell of an ego trip. She basically became a royal bitch. She considered me a friend but would call me out in orientation meetings, telling all the other UDs, our bosses, etc, about how "last summer Tamara did this, and it clearly wasn't the right way to handle the situation. I would have done this instead." Yeah, see I have a reputation of doing my job not just good, but great. Most of my former staff members, from what I know, have enjoyed working with me. So for her to call me out like that, wow! Luckily for me, everyone took my side on it, and basically just thought she was being a snot.
This goes farther than me... before UD orientation had finished, before the counselors had even arrived, all of the other UDs were all pissed at her for some reason or another. Yeah, and instead of taking a hint that everyone was irritated with her, she seemed to think that everyone loved her and she was the best thing ever. it got to the point during the middle of the summer, that in UD meetings she would have the nerve to interrupt the camp director and basically tell her that she (the camp director) was wrong, and that she (said UD) was right. Basically everyone wanted to slap her by the end of the summer.
The clincher is that said UD actually did good work, overall. Somehow, her staff liked her well enough, and she got on okay with her campers. But does that make you a good leader, if you can do your job, but 90% of your coworkers hate you? If you are such an obnoxious know it all that you can not possibly take advice from anyone with more experience than you, and you think you are the next Einstein?
Said UD, thought she had a fantastic summer. She left basically telling me how much the camp director loved her, etc. Recently she was putting things on my facebook, myspace, etc, telling me how much she was looking forward to this summer, etc. She was also the person I had suspected of being jealous of my promotion, etc. Anyhow, cutting to the chase, said UD got an email from the camp director recently. Basically in so many words, she's not being rehired for next summer. Now the UD has been upset, venting to me about it, trying to ask me why would such a thing happen to her? What can I say? Nothing I say will get her job back...and if I lie to her, I'm just making her worse, but if I am honest with her I'm not sure I'll be of any help and she'll probably just get pissed at me.
The worst part is, I only feel half sorry for her. I feel bad she was taken by surprise by all of this, but I am not sad for her exactly. When I think about all the times she was simply a bitch to me, and all times I tried to give her help only for her to basically spit on it... well how can I feel bad for somebody like that, overall? I hate to say it, but I think this was a lesson she could only learn the hard way.
If she learns it at all. You know that's the thing about know it alls. They rarely can see the forest for the trees. They're so busy pointing out other people's faults that they couldn't see their own faults if they were dancing in front of them in a day glo tutu.
I'm sorry if that was TMI, but honestly, everyone who reads my blog is a girl. So get over yourself!
******
Okay. I had a Blue Lake dream last night. That always starts to happen this time of year. The time of year when I'm getting ready to go in to the final leg of school and work, and I naturally start thinking of the next thing on the horizion. The next thing on the horizon, is camp. After camp, I have no idea. One would hope grad school, but I have been so fickle and indecisive, I'm not even sure if I want to get in to grad school at this point. I'm not sure where my brain is...or for that matter, where my heart is. I keep thinking that if I only had it to do over again, at 18 being a freshman in college I would have declared my major to be music ed. I'm not sure if that's what I really truly want, or if it is simply the grass is greener syndrome. Blah! For that matter, I'm confused on a school I originally wanted to apply to. I was planning on applying to four schools, but one school I liked wants me to take the GRE instead of my MCAT scores. Is it worth it? Is it worth my time studying for another test, paying money to take said test, paying money to put an application in, and then possibly not get in to said school? By that time I'll have wasted probably around $200, countless study time, and have scores from a test I really didn't need to take to begin with. I guess the GRE would be good to have since obviously I am fickle and could just as easily apply for an unrelated grad program... but still. The decisions! Either way, I must decide soon as I would be taking the GRE in May.
Okay so on to the dreams. I had a dream that I was put in a unit (a unit equals 6 cabins with 12 girls each and their counselor, plus one or two unit counselors, and one unit director. Which really equals about 80 people sharing 6 toilets and 6 showers. LOL lovely.) but it was no ordinary unit. This unit had 3 male counselors, which meant that three cabins were going to be filled with teenage boys! Three of the other cabins were going to be just regular girl cabins...only their counselors were staff that I had from previous summers. I kept saying (of course no one listened to me, isn't that always the way it goes in dreams) that this wasn't right, and that not only wasn't I supposed to have boys, but I wasn't supposed to have staff from previous summers. I remember I went in to UD mode, immediately trying to figure out how in the world I was going to keep the boys from spying on the girls in the showers, etc. Random!!
******
I really know the reasons behind the dream though. Well, I think I know the reasons. First off, one of my concerns about taking on my new job as the Assistant Health Director was that I would have male health staff members to work with. Yes of course I have worked with guys in the past, but I've never managed guys before... and I guess I have some anxieties about how they'll take my leadership as a female. Secondly, I started the scheduled reading of my Emergency Response materials yesterday... which of course put my job in the front of my mind. Third, ah the drama! I swear it follows you like a dark cloud. In 2005, I had a counselor, who I will not name, but she was nice enough. Annoying at times, and a bit of a know it all, but nothing out of hand. She ended up becoming a unit director in 2006, even though I never wrote her a recommendation... but that is beyond the point. Anyhow she became a UD, and apparently it all went to her head, because last summer she was on one hell of an ego trip. She basically became a royal bitch. She considered me a friend but would call me out in orientation meetings, telling all the other UDs, our bosses, etc, about how "last summer Tamara did this, and it clearly wasn't the right way to handle the situation. I would have done this instead." Yeah, see I have a reputation of doing my job not just good, but great. Most of my former staff members, from what I know, have enjoyed working with me. So for her to call me out like that, wow! Luckily for me, everyone took my side on it, and basically just thought she was being a snot.
This goes farther than me... before UD orientation had finished, before the counselors had even arrived, all of the other UDs were all pissed at her for some reason or another. Yeah, and instead of taking a hint that everyone was irritated with her, she seemed to think that everyone loved her and she was the best thing ever. it got to the point during the middle of the summer, that in UD meetings she would have the nerve to interrupt the camp director and basically tell her that she (the camp director) was wrong, and that she (said UD) was right. Basically everyone wanted to slap her by the end of the summer.
The clincher is that said UD actually did good work, overall. Somehow, her staff liked her well enough, and she got on okay with her campers. But does that make you a good leader, if you can do your job, but 90% of your coworkers hate you? If you are such an obnoxious know it all that you can not possibly take advice from anyone with more experience than you, and you think you are the next Einstein?
Said UD, thought she had a fantastic summer. She left basically telling me how much the camp director loved her, etc. Recently she was putting things on my facebook, myspace, etc, telling me how much she was looking forward to this summer, etc. She was also the person I had suspected of being jealous of my promotion, etc. Anyhow, cutting to the chase, said UD got an email from the camp director recently. Basically in so many words, she's not being rehired for next summer. Now the UD has been upset, venting to me about it, trying to ask me why would such a thing happen to her? What can I say? Nothing I say will get her job back...and if I lie to her, I'm just making her worse, but if I am honest with her I'm not sure I'll be of any help and she'll probably just get pissed at me.
The worst part is, I only feel half sorry for her. I feel bad she was taken by surprise by all of this, but I am not sad for her exactly. When I think about all the times she was simply a bitch to me, and all times I tried to give her help only for her to basically spit on it... well how can I feel bad for somebody like that, overall? I hate to say it, but I think this was a lesson she could only learn the hard way.
If she learns it at all. You know that's the thing about know it alls. They rarely can see the forest for the trees. They're so busy pointing out other people's faults that they couldn't see their own faults if they were dancing in front of them in a day glo tutu.
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