Boo, you whore! (And a camp story Saturday)

Okay, so no one called me a whore today, thankfully. That line is from the movie Mean Girls, in case you didn't know any better. The point of that title is that I had a conversation yesterday that was quite humorous, even if it did sound completely inappropriate. :) I'm going to let you eavesdrop on that conversation between me and a friend from yesterday, as well as let you be a bystander in another camp story. The conversation yesterday is when I had a discussion with a friend who happens to be a musician about my hatred for the Mahler piece we're performing tonight. The camp story is another story from this summer, which I could have sworn I've blogged about already. Looking back at my archives, I see that I haven't. I guess so many people have asked me in awe about this story, so it seems like I must have blogged about it already. I have a promise to my friend who goes by the name of Pants in the blog world that I will at some point this month, include a camp story from the summer of 2004. :)

If you are not wanting to read a PG 13 conversation, then skip ahead to the camp story. Although be warned, do not read the camp story on a weak stomach. :)

******

"Hey! Are you by chance a Dell Support Staff member?"
"Ah, what do you think the answer to that question is?"
"Well, I figure no, but I'm waiting for a response from these people, and since you're online and available, I wanted to check to make sure you weren't secretly a Dell employee."
"Sorry, no. For one thing, I don't live in India. Hey, you're Mr. Tech guy, if you can't figure out the problem, I surely can't."
"Yeah true."
"Hey, anyway, I hate to cut the conversation short, but I gotta go to rehearsal soon."
"Rehearsal?"
"Yeah. I thought I told you? We're doing the Mahler 3rd. The fifth movement, obviously."
"Oh. Cool. Mahler, sweet."
"No. Not sweet. I freaking hate this piece. Mahler is sucking my spirit out of my body."
"What? You love Beethoven."
"I know. And yes, I see the similarities between the two. But for some reason, I hate this Mahler piece, and I love Beethoven. Mahler's too... too... heavy."
"Tamara. The real difference between Mahler and Beethoven is that Mahler puts a lot more orgasms in his music. That's why you should love Mahler. It's bing, bang, boom!"
"Ah. Spoken like a true guy."
"Why?"
"All those extra orgasms are tiring. Who needs the bing, bang, boom all through the piece? It's much better to have a nice smooth transition, and save the bings, bangs, and booms. Save your energy for the end, and then let it go. Who needs a boom when you can have an explosion?"
"Ahh."
"See, Beethoven is better. So, I gotta go to rehearsal. Think about that, and I'll talk to you later."
"You suck. Bye"

******
Thanks to that conversation, when the conductor yelled "Horns! What is this? We need ah, we need the ah boom!" I almost died laughing.

******
This story takes place towards the end of the summer. Gosh, I feel like I've told this story already! Maybe I told someone this story while chatting with them, or maybe it's just that so many people have asked me the details of this story that I feel like I've blogged about it.

Okay, so like I said this story took place around August. It was another busy day at camp, and finally the clock had rolled in on 5:15 pm. Which means, dinnertime! All the UDs on main camp had ushered their campers and counselors in to the dining hall for dinner, and the Health Lodge had gotten through the before dinner med rush. Jenn and I were walking over to Merek Hall (the dining hall, which is across from the Health Lodge), and we happened to meet up with our boss Heidi and an associate staff director, Trisha. We chatted as we walked in to Merek Hall, and as we entered Merek Hall is where this story really takes place.

When you walk in to Merek Hall from the side entrance, the first thing you come in to is a big lobby area. There is a conference room to your right, and bathrooms to your left. There is a rubber grate/mat/thing right when you step in through the door, which is always covered in sand, from hundreds of kids' feet. The entrance to the dining hall is through two double doors. As we walked in to Merek, I went first and happened to accidentally kick something that had been on the grate as we walked in. As it scooted across the floor, I realized that it was a half eaten chicken nugget from dinner. Our conversation was as follows:

Me: Ew. I just kicked a chicken nugget across the floor. Gross.
Jenn: Well, pick it up and put it in the trash, or else it's going to be squashed all over the floor.
Trisha: How did a half eaten chicken nugget get here already? They just started serving dinner a minute ago.
Heidi: Maybe someone was really hungry on their trip to the bathroom.
Tisha: Oh gross, eating a chicken nugget on the way to the bathroom!
Me: Hey Jenn, I dare you to eat it!
Jenn: Ha ha, Tamara.
Me: Oh come on, I bet if we all took up enough money, we could get you to eat it.
Jenn: It'd have to be like, five hundred dollars. And then, I'd think about it.
Heidi: Oh seriously, Jenn. Don't you think five hundred dollars is a little overpriced? I wouldn't pay you five hundred dollars to eat that.
Jenn: Look Heidi, just because you took a sip out of the dump pitcher once at breakfast for five dollars, doesn't mean I'm going to eat an already-bitten-in-to-covered-in-sand chicken nugget off the floor.
Me: Oh! Did you really drink out of the dump pitcher? I remember Josh saying he dared you to do it, but I didn't think you actually did it!
Heidi: Ahh... it wasn't a big deal. It was mostly just milk with a little orange juice.
Jenn: Okay fine then. How much would it take for you to eat it, Heidi?
Me: Ooh! I bet some UDs would put in five or ten bucks each for you to eat that. Ten times sixteen is a hundred and sixty dollars. Would you do it for that?
Trisha: Ew you guys. That is so gross! I wouldn't do it for a hundred and sixty dollars.
Jenn: Well, I'd at least buy you dinner tomorrow from Belacino's if you ate that. I think that would be worth it.
Heidi: So wait, let me get this straight. You want someone to pay you five hundred dollars to eat that chicken nugget, but you'd only give me a dinner from Belacino's that cost five bucks?
Jenn: Well, I mean...
[See Heidi, smirking at Jenn with her hand on her hip. Suddenly, she bends down and picks up the chicken nugget.]
Jenn: Heidi, don't you dare! Heidi!
Heidi: [Looking over at me] Dare me?
Me: Um, I'm afraid to.
[See Heidi pop the chicken nugget in her mouth, chew it up, swallow it, and then show us all her tongue like a contestant on Fear Factor.
Trisha: Oh no! Oh Heidi!
Me: Oh my god! Oh my god! I think I'm going to pee myself!
Jenn: Heidi! You are a mother with children!!! What if you got sick and died?
Heidi: I'll take a turkey sub tomorrow, with a lemonade, when you order Belacino's, Jenn.
[See all of us, gaping.]
Heidi: Oh please. It's hardly the worst thing that's been in my mouth.

******

Yes. These are the things that we do to amuse ourselves. I did give you fair warning to not read that on a weak stomach.