Confessions

Before I get on to the real topic of this blog, I'd like to comment on my video blog. I'm glad you guys enjoyed it, but I really can't stand to watch myself! LOL I think I am a total dork. And, most of camp does not have accommodations like that! Seriously... 95% of the staff have no idea that our cabin is that nice, the few who have been invited inside have literally stared with their mouths hanging open. :) I definitely do not take it for granted, because a couple of years ago I was using outdoor plumbing all summer!

I'm stealing this from Evonne and Robin, I really think it's a good topic for today's blog. :)

My Confessions (as they come to my head):

1. I dread the thought of some of my camp friends or my sister reading my blog. Shit would hit the fan, no doubt! I pride myself on giving my honest thoughts and opinions, and honesty isn't always the nicest thing. And yes, some of my thoughts may just be me in a catty moment... but those are real moments. I love my friends and I would never want them to get hurt feelings because I vented.

2. I feel bad because sometimes I worry that I love Teddy a little bit more than I love Tabitha.

3. I spend entirely too much time on my computer! It usually comes on first thing in the morning if I don't have to go to work, and it is what I waste my time on when I should be in bed already.

4. There are many times when I don't brush my teeth before I go to bed. I always mean to get up to do it, but then I waste time at night (see number 3) and end up falling asleep. I having been trying to do a better job, but poor habits are hard to break. I'm tired of my dentist making a fortune off of me!

5. I really hate subbing, and I often look for excuses to not work that day. Most of my day is spent yelling at kids, and I hate that. I get a dark little pleasure about ratting out the bratty kids to their teachers for the hell they put me through that day.

6. I enjoy working at camp more than anything else in my life right now. While I'm there I am stressed out and exhausted, but as soon as I come home I immediately want to go back. I have a set group of friends there that I adore spending time with. The people I work with have become like a second family to me. I like that I've been given a ton of responsibility in a job at such a young age in life. I love escaping from all my anxieties and problems at home for a few months of living in the woods, and working from dawn til midnight.

7. I never know how to approach a guy. I feel like they should offer remedial classes in flirting, because I feel kind of hopeless. I honestly feel like it's hard to find someone to date when you're biracial. Sometimes I feel like black guys want to go out with me because I'm "light skinned" and "white" and in the black community that unfairly means beauty and status. I think white guys don't want to be bothered with the implications of dating a "black" girl.

8. I pretty much can't stomach anyone in my mother's family. I think they're all ignorant and are sad people that I don't want to be a part of.

9. I have some resentment towards my mother for raising us around her ignorant family but not allowing us to grow up around my dad's family for the same reasons. It's kind of hard growing up as a biracial kid, exclusively around your white family that makes you feel like an outsider, and not being allowed to have any contact with the black side of your family.

10. I hate having stretch marks. I'm pretty okay with my body shape and size, but I feel like my stretch marks are just hideous. The thing that pisses me off the most is that I was pretty thin when I got them, it was just puberty being a bitch to me. I worry that if I ever manage to get married and then become pregnant, that I'll get a million more stretch marks, and then I'll just completely hate my body.

11. I love to gossip. Entirely too much! I try not to spread really mean things about people, but if you annoy me, I have no shame in talking smack about you. I pride myself on not gossiping about my friends, but if you're someone I interact with but overall don't like, I definitely won't stop myself from making a snippy remark about you.


12. There are things I'm too embarrassed to confess on my blog.