F You?

I'm trying so hard to think of something to blog about today. Do I make this fluff and post the Cee-Lo video of his hilarious song "F You!"??? (Sounds horrible but it is a hilarious song about what you really think about your ex-whatever.) Do I blog about being resentful of the doctor giving me a script of Xanax, and his attempt to give me one for Prozac? No... that's a dark and lonely road. Or do I blog more about my kids, the ones that thankfully I haven't birthed? I guess I'll go with one more kid post.

So Charlie, the insane one? Yes, we had a two hour meeting about him today. The principal, the school psychologist, the school social worker, the school behavioral therapist, the mother, and the mother's own social worker all sat down with me to have a meeting about what we can do with Charlie. The result? We're right back where we started. The mom was already planning on having him tested at the Mott Children's Health clinic, they suspect he'll need medication, and I'm supposed to do my best with him and write referrals if necessary.

So I'm back to square one. I am still stuck with the little bugger, and I basically have to do the same thing I've already been trying. the school psychologist and the behavioral therapist pulled me aside after the meeting and praised me for my "incredible" work with Charlie, and said that I've got a "natural talent" with kids like him. They also asked me if I was planning on going into special education. I told them thank you for the compliments, and that it isn't natural talent, it's just that I've worked with a lot of special needs children at my summer job.

What I didn't tell them is that all the compliments in the world are not taking away my frustrations, and that I literally have had to bribe myself to get through the day. How many guilt free hot chocolates can I buy myself to coax myself through the day? How many times will I take the Xanax that I resent in order to make sure I don't wake up having a panic attack? And how will manage to not kill Charlie, or Kevin? How many times will I come home from work, go directly to bed for a nap, wake up in time to make dinner, have a shower, and then go directly back to bed?

These are the thoughts that haunt me everyday. If I had known this is how I would have felt, I would never have taken this job.

My friend Bernadette has made me aware of the state of Michigan website, where they have an incredible amount of job openings posted. There are a number that only require a high school diploma, and offer good pay and great benefits. It almost makes me wonder if I should apply for one of those jobs, or should I hold out for a job in my field? Hmm... so many decisions.

Anyhow, wish me well that I don't have a nervous breakdown tomorrow.