Food for Thought

I woke up sick as a dog today! I felt it coming on yesterday, but I hoped it would go away... but late last night my throat felt like I had swallowed a Brillo pad. Fun, right? I'm on ibuprofen, and I'm kinda hoping it helps me to feel well enough to make a quick trip to the store. I really need some Puffs with the lotion (those are the best invention since sliced bread!), and I have a craving for of all things, chocolate chip cookies. And maybe I could pick up the toilet bowl cleanser I forgot to get at the store yesterday, that we need. It was my grand plan to clean the bathroom today, but obviously, that's not happening!

Anyhow, I had a very interesting night last night, besides for watching tv in my pajamas. I got a call from my summer boss, Heidi. I had been expecting her call since we had corresponded a bit via email, but I wasn't making a big deal out of it. Yes, she tries to hire the upper staff this early in the year. Camp is an well oiled giant machine, after all. Anyhoo, I had planned on telling her thank you for the offer of my job back, but I'm not sure where I'll be next summer so I am not in any position to give you an answer right now. I wasn't making a big deal out of the call... I've reached the ceiling, and besides for a year round position, which they financially aren't in a position to offer me, there isn't much more to say on the matter. I also knew she'd be fine with a "I'll get back to you" response from me.

But leave it to Heidi to catch me off guard. We talked briefly about my thesis, my insane kindergarten job (her exact quote was "Oh My God Tamara!!!"), her kids, etc. And then she decided to be blunt with what she was calling about. She told me that she and my boss Adrian had had a long talk, and they decided it was the right time to offer me the Health Director position. As in, the job my friend Jenn holds, as in, the job she held when I was her assistant and she was my boss.

Like I said, I was completely taken off guard. A little background here, is that my friend Jenn has held this job for over 10 years. She works full time as the health director. But in June, just as camp was starting, she was diagnosed with LAM, which is an incredibly rare lung disease. She had had what we all thought was asthma for years, and this past winter it had just suddenly become incredibly worse. She couldn't breathe no matter how many nebulizer treatments or steroids they put her on. She was finally sent to a pulmonologist in June (after basically pleading with her doctor to give her a referral), and the pulmonologist found hundreds of microcysts in her lungs. Immediately after the diagnosis the doc made her go on round the clock oxygen, and she is now being added to the list for a double lung transplant. She continued to do her job, even if somewhat strained last summer. Another bad part was that my best friend Melanie, who became her assistant after I moved out of the job, really got the short end of the stick by having to pick up a LOT of slack for Jenn, who really couldn't do her job anymore.

So with all that said, should I have been surprised by this offer? Probably not, however, I know Jenn and even after visiting her about a month ago, she never mentioned wanting to move out of her job. In fact, she talked about how much she hoped she could still do it... just with adjustments. So here I thought they'd hire a second assistant... more health staff, something. But no, the answer to this dilemma seems to be making Jenn a "health consultant," allowing her to keep her year round position, and making me the new Health Director.

I just was utterly stunned. And I could tell that my silent response when she broke the news to me took her off guard as well. Which, being able to take my boss Heidi off guard is saying something, believe me! So anyhow, she told me there would be a "very sizable" pay increase (seeing as I made more at camp this past summer in two weeks than I do subbing in two weeks of subbing means I would be getting a very healthy salary), and I would answer to no one but her... complete freedom to shake things up however I would like. And, she also said it was her goal to hire Melanie as my assistant. She did also go on to say if I declined, she understood, and of course my old job is welcome to me... but she honestly didn't know who else had the ability to do the job besides for me.

So... I have a lot to think about. She isn't looking for an answer right now, but she did say she'd like it if we could talk again in two weeks or so. I just don't know what to do. I really had kind of made up my mind that I wasn't going to in any way commit to a summer at this point. But this kind of changes things. And I'm not quite sure in a good way. Of course I could just say no and walk away. And then I'd feel like I was leaving everyone in a bind. But I just don't know that I want the job... pay increase, freedom, and all. I stepped out of the health side of camp for a reason, because it is by far the most stressful place on camp. And now she wants me to be the one shouldering all that stress? I know if it were today, I wouldn't be mentally healthy enough to handle the job. So does that mean I will be in June? And she said while it isn't appropriate at this time to offer me a full time position with Jenn just being transitioned out of this role, in future they could very likely offer me a year round job. Not that I'm sure I would want it if they offered it.

Anyhow, it clearly is a lot of food for thought. And now, suddenly, I feel like I might be able to make it to the store for those cookies, after all. I just feel like there is no good answer to this offer... which sounds dumb that I'm not overjoyed at a promotion that no one would expect me to get.