Lengthy Update on My Ridiculous Life Part 2

Okay, fast forward like 4 days. My body starts expelling all the stuff they used to patch me up after the colposcopy, and it is very irritating. Guess what, my rash gets worse! So here I am thinking I must for sure have an STD, because the yeast test came back negative. So I basically spent all of last weekend sobbing like a baby, thinking I had something horrible that was forever going to leave me with a stigma. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and I went back to Planned Parenthood on Monday. Yes, third time since January I get a metal speculum stuff up my hoo ha... pleasant, right?

The nurse (a different one) again seems unconcerned with my rash. She literally put her head in her hands when I told her I had used the topical cream when I had no symptoms of a yeast infection. She lectured me about how that cream was contaminated and how I had just introduced the resistant yeast to my system... etc. She tested me for yeast, and most definitely, I still had a yeast infection. She said because they tested me the day my period ended, that was most likely why my test came back as a false negative. She gave me one pill of Diflucan and said in 7 days if it isn't all gone, to come back.

Sounds like I should be done with this conversation, right? Well the yeast infection isn't quite gone. The rash is gone, thank god, and the yeast infection that is lingering feels mild, but I want it gone once and for all. And on Friday they called for my colposcopy results. They said I have "CIN III severe dysplasia." Which apparently is a fancy way of saying my cells are showing signs of being precancerous. And yes this does freak me out... but pre-cancer is not cancer, so I remind myself.

They want me to have a LEEP procedure in two weeks. They basically are going to take a little wire loop that has an electric current and cut away the abnormal cells from my cervix. I'm trying not to be scared about this seeing as I'll be numbed for it. From what I read it will not leave me infertile and it is 90% successful at removing any questionable cells. They also said there is no sign that these cells are headed towards my uterus, or are going deeper than the surface. So yes... it's been a hell of a few weeks.

I broke up with Mr. Harmless because I just don't want any type of relationship with someone I'm not in love with. I'd rather be alone. And clearly this is time to focus on me and my health. Here I thought I had no chances of having HPV or anything else because I have a very short list of lovers and have been safe... but yeah. So I guess as much as it seems like it's only brought me grief, I really need to be glad that I had a pap smear in January. What if I would have waited, and this would have turned into cancer? Although I do have a fear when they do the LEEP they'll think "oops... sorry, this is cancer." Yeah... I don't really know how to end this blog except to say I'm trying not to go into freak out mode about anything.